Which One Do You Prefer?
When someone asks you to choose, coffee or tea? which one will you choose? of course you will choose the one that you like the most OR the one that you think suits your mood the most at that time, right? or you can reject it. Yes, that’s the offers.
Then what if someone asks you to do something? it’s absolute not an offer, it’s an order or a request. And yes, you can still reject it. But that’s not what I will talk about, I will talk about how people usually feel or act upon hearing a request. Yap, this is the topic I want to talk about. As always, it will be easier to discuss this with a few examples. Here we go . . .
When you read this, I believe you must be wondering “why Gelato” hahaha, okay this is story about gelato, couple years ago, in Ubud, Bali, there’s a gelato shop, near by Tegalalang Rice Terrace. So my friends and I were on a long trip, on the 13th day, we visited there because at that time the place was very famous, so we sat there and bought some gelato, some of us went down to the rice fields, while some of us were too tired and decided to finish the gelato and wait for them.Okay, so we are not alone in the shop, of course there are a lot of people there, including foreigners. Well because we eat gelato, we use paper towels to clean up the gelato spills. And because we love the environment, we throw leftover tissue and gelato cups in the trash. But, one of my friends was too tired and missed some tissue on the table, and just as we were leaving, someone shouted for us. He shouted “Hey! take your trash and throw it in the trash!” . Of course we were shocked and immediately looked at the table and yes there were some tissues left, we missed them. And everyone saw us, at that time, it seemed like everyone there was judging us, like it’s embarrassing us, because we local people and foreigners yelling at us, that’s really bad. Then I said to him, “Oh, we missed a few, thanks!” while I take the tissue and throw it in the trash. It’s super embarrassing, you know we just missed some, we didn’t leave that trash on purpose. But because of the way he said to us, we felt really bad, and the people there thought we were bad, really bad.
But, what if he comes to us closer, and talks to us nicely like this “oh my friends, I think you left some tissue on the table” OR just come to us, don’t say anything, get a tissue and throw it on the trash can, in front of us, then we will definitely realize that we have forgotten something and we will apologize and thank him. Of course we still feel bad but it’s not that bad because everyone doesn’t know about this and we don’t feel like being attacked, instead we respect him because he reminds us and shows us nice things.
So, if you become one of us, which one do you prefer? the first one, when he shouted at you in front of everyone or the second one?
Hold your answer, and let’s continue to the second examples :)
Well, group chat . . . can you name what group you cant leave family hahaha? I think almost all of you will mention this, but there is one stronger group that you definitely can’t leave, it is work-related groups. If you leave then you’re done! hahaha. So, imagine you’re working on something urgent let say, monthly report which related with other division jobs, then there’s someone say this to you in that group (which have so many people there) “Why do you always do this? why always wait for me or others to come first to help you? why can’t you do it?” . So here is the context, you found an issue in your report and it required confirmation from other division. Well the expectation is, if you found the root cause and it’s not coming from your division, but other division, then you should directly ask their confirmation to solve this issue. Maybe you’re in still analysing it or in under panic or on the way to do that. But there’s someone say that to you like that, what do you feel? did you feel being attacked? or become more panic or embarrassed or maybe oh okay?
And what if it’s happen in the group call? will you feel more attacked? more panic? more embarrassed? or still okay?
But what if that someone say this instead, “Hi mate, don’t forget to ask them directly ya, if that issue come from them, because people waiting for that report, lemme know if you need any help” OR after knowing the root cause from other division, he/she immediately ask them and mention you in the thread. So if like these, will you feel being attacked? panic or embarrassed?
So, which one do you prefer? the first one or the second one? well it’s time to think about it.
Okay, you have the answer, but let’s imagine being a speaker and a listener, which would you rather say or hear?
Personally, if in a work environment, we have to accept it as a professional, do not take it personally. But if you are a leader/coworker and willing to be a good leader/coworker, you have to remember that what you say or do will affect your team.
Because basically we are all human, that’s why no matter how professional we are, it will definitely affect our feelings. Just remember about this.
So, if we can say well or show people something in the hope that they will follow us, it would be better than saying whatever is on your mind without caring about the repercussions of our words.
“We will never know how people feel if we don’t think about being them, that’s the key!”
I learned about this, it took me several years to learn how to say something without hurting people, and I’m still learning it. But that’s the key I’ve found and used so far and it’s been really, really helpful.
Does this change your answer or is your answer the same as this?
If someone without a struggle can be hurt, then what about someone who struggles a lot? Are we killing them? you can answer it. So don’t expect people to always have fun, and be able to take our word for it. If we don’t want to make them even more desperate and prevent bad things. So let’s start trying to say something nice or show them how to do it well. Good luck!
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy and get something good from this :)